I am here. I am everywhere
Every place youve been I have waited
Every face youve seen I have worn
I have not one name but thousands
I come on the wings of an epidemic
Of a massacre
A lone scream in the night
Announced by the distant thunder of a war
or the bleat of the slaughtered calf
I visit the dying in their burning skin
Devour the bodies of the sick
I crush the hearts of the hopeful as I dance on the backs of the weak
Your greatest fears are my delight
With your cries you invite me in
I am the betrayal you could not have seen
The killer you thought you knew
One day I will be your mother or your father or your friend
Another day I will be your neighbour, or perhaps Ill work through you
There are monsters hiding in your closet
There are ghosts beneath your bed
The dream you feared was real
Was real
These are gifts to you from me
I love you in my little way
With your suffering I am alive!
Cant you hear the music on the wind?
Dont you recognize the tune?
Is it you my friend, your struggling?
Your spirit torn limb from limb?
But I am not death
Death is your deliverer
Death looks to me with sorrow in his eyes and asks, Why must you do this?
My answer remains unchanged
I do what you cannot
No end is swift under my watch
Mercy is a mistake I correct
I am peace destroyed and eyes forced open
The ragged ring around your neck.
I am your secret wish for others
I am their secret wish for you
I have not one name but thousands
But you... you may call me Agony
And I am pleased to make your acquaintance
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Wouldn't trade it for the world...
Relationships come with a lot of tribulations. We fight, we yell, we get jealous, we cry, we feel pain, we hurt, we scream, we get frustrated, we get angry, we get upset, we break up and our emotions take us over. So why do we do it? Why would we want to feel not just sad, but truly hurt, sad to the point where your whole body hurts just because of one person, sad to the point where you feel empty when everything falls apart, sad to the point where your heart aches for the company of that being. I’ll tell you why I do it, its because besides all those moments when your stupidity gets in the way of what your truly feeling and you “fight”, the moments when you are truly loving someone are the most touching, astounding, magnificent moments you will ever experience. When two people are just loving each other its magical. And to those of you who are to scared of getting hurt and too scared of the baggage that comes with relationships, let me tell you this, having someone you love and having them love you back is a feeling that you can not substitute. Having someone look at you with such a deep emotion is remarkable. Having someone touch with so much care brings a feeling of weightlessness throughout your whole body. Having someone whisper they love you feels like they screamed it. Having someone to hold your hand at all times just feels special. Having someone to be your best friend and be loyal to you and never lie to you feels so safe. So yeah, relationships suck, breaking up hurts, but having that someone that you feel so comfortable with, someone that you let inside your soul, someone that lets you inside theirs, someone to talk to at all hours during the day, someone to laugh with, someone to fall asleep with, having someone that is your other half for whatever amount of time you are together, is true beauty and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
I pushed you away.
Today I woke up, and I felt empty inside. This isn’t the first time this has happened recently, in fact for the past two months this is how I’ve been feeling every day. I keep trying to pinpoint what is making me feel this way, blaming it on the fact that I hate my job. Then blaming stress, and then blaming anything I could that wasn’t the truth. However the fact of the matter is, I’m feeling empty because the person that I love is miles away.
We met in the strangest way, and our time together was simple and yet so incredible. The few months that we spent together were some of the happiest months of my life. Every time you came to visit me, I felt a kind of happiness that I can’t even explain; and every time you left I counted down the days until I would see you again. I fell for you after only knowing you for a few days, and after that I just continued to fall. I loved the simple text messages you would send me every morning, telling me how beautiful I was and how much you missed me. I loved the way you smelled like cigarettes, I loved your tattoos, and I loved your smile. I even loved your friends; I looked forward to seeing them almost as much as I looked forward to seeing you. You were everything to me, the person who brought me back to life after I had thought my days of loving another were over.
I was so happy that it seemed like nothing could bring me down, but a fear that I knew all too well was creeping up on me, as it had done with all of my past relationships. I was now so afraid of what life would be like without you that I convinced myself that everything would be easier if I ended our relationship before I began to rely on you too much. I pushed you away. I let you go. Now I don’t think I will ever forgive myself.
Time passed, and we stayed in touch. We often made plans to reunite, but of course that never worked out. Before I knew it you were leaving, moving even further away. I told myself that this would be for the best, that I could finally get over you. The funny thing is, now my love for you is even stronger. The boys that I date seem dull, and this makes me miss you even more. These boys can’t make me laugh the way you did, the sight of them doesn’t make me feel like the happiest girl in the world. This is how you made me feel every time I saw you.
We now talk more than we ever did, and everyday I think about telling you all of this. If you felt the same way, I would hop on a plane and fly to wherever you are. I’ve come to realize that my life here is nothing without you. But if your feelings for me are long gone, I don’t think I could handle hearing you tell me this. It would kill me.
So, I’m stuck. I will continue to wake up every day feeling empty and I will carry on with my day-to-day life, until maybe, just maybe, you decide to tell me that I’m not alone in this and that you too have felt empty since we’ve been apart.
We met in the strangest way, and our time together was simple and yet so incredible. The few months that we spent together were some of the happiest months of my life. Every time you came to visit me, I felt a kind of happiness that I can’t even explain; and every time you left I counted down the days until I would see you again. I fell for you after only knowing you for a few days, and after that I just continued to fall. I loved the simple text messages you would send me every morning, telling me how beautiful I was and how much you missed me. I loved the way you smelled like cigarettes, I loved your tattoos, and I loved your smile. I even loved your friends; I looked forward to seeing them almost as much as I looked forward to seeing you. You were everything to me, the person who brought me back to life after I had thought my days of loving another were over.
I was so happy that it seemed like nothing could bring me down, but a fear that I knew all too well was creeping up on me, as it had done with all of my past relationships. I was now so afraid of what life would be like without you that I convinced myself that everything would be easier if I ended our relationship before I began to rely on you too much. I pushed you away. I let you go. Now I don’t think I will ever forgive myself.
Time passed, and we stayed in touch. We often made plans to reunite, but of course that never worked out. Before I knew it you were leaving, moving even further away. I told myself that this would be for the best, that I could finally get over you. The funny thing is, now my love for you is even stronger. The boys that I date seem dull, and this makes me miss you even more. These boys can’t make me laugh the way you did, the sight of them doesn’t make me feel like the happiest girl in the world. This is how you made me feel every time I saw you.
We now talk more than we ever did, and everyday I think about telling you all of this. If you felt the same way, I would hop on a plane and fly to wherever you are. I’ve come to realize that my life here is nothing without you. But if your feelings for me are long gone, I don’t think I could handle hearing you tell me this. It would kill me.
So, I’m stuck. I will continue to wake up every day feeling empty and I will carry on with my day-to-day life, until maybe, just maybe, you decide to tell me that I’m not alone in this and that you too have felt empty since we’ve been apart.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Kisses & Kerosene
I wish
I could have you
Here
In my clutches
To remove the excuses from your mind
To part that haze and slice your soul to pieces
To sing a lullaby as I tied you to the slab
To shave your head with a dulling razor
As you watch
In the splattered mirror above you
To break your ribs individually
With a rock hammer
To shatter your shin bones
With a shovel
To burn your fingers & toes
To a necrotic black
With liquid nitrogen
To crack your teeth
With a splintered club
To pierce your limbs
With a nail gun
To silence your cries
To laugh in your eyes
To sharpen my favorite slicing device
And take your arms ah the elbows
To keep u alive
For a few moments longer
To smell your fear
To cover your body
With kisses & kerosene
To watch u burn
As my human sacrifice
To hear you
Scream in agony
The popping
Of your flesh
Crackling
As it cooks
To feel your child smile
The one u betrayed
The one you took
For nothing
For selfishness
...in a
Pefect world
I would get
My wish.
I could have you
Here
In my clutches
To remove the excuses from your mind
To part that haze and slice your soul to pieces
To sing a lullaby as I tied you to the slab
To shave your head with a dulling razor
As you watch
In the splattered mirror above you
To break your ribs individually
With a rock hammer
To shatter your shin bones
With a shovel
To burn your fingers & toes
To a necrotic black
With liquid nitrogen
To crack your teeth
With a splintered club
To pierce your limbs
With a nail gun
To silence your cries
To laugh in your eyes
To sharpen my favorite slicing device
And take your arms ah the elbows
To keep u alive
For a few moments longer
To smell your fear
To cover your body
With kisses & kerosene
To watch u burn
As my human sacrifice
To hear you
Scream in agony
The popping
Of your flesh
Crackling
As it cooks
To feel your child smile
The one u betrayed
The one you took
For nothing
For selfishness
...in a
Pefect world
I would get
My wish.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
