When the time is right, it will happen.

Realisations of love and general inspiring thoughts:

I just wanted to say I think the best people in life are the ones that get brokenhearted, time and time again and can still open their hearts to love after the exasperating pain of heart break. Those are the best kinds of people in life.
The ability to love anything and anyone is a gift. And anyone who hasn't found love yet should not fear, because it's fear that drives you to insanity and worry. But its hope that sends you to belief and opens your heart again to love and for love. And once you've found it, and really found it, Love will never let you down. It will be faithful and kind. Love will be beautiful and unpredictable. And even though I haven't found it, I feel all these things for it. I don't know why and I don't know how, but I can tell you I really do believe In love.

I just wanted to say that to anyone who is going through something right now, because I'm in a state of heart broken heartedness, and over my best friend that I have loved to the core of my soul for about 3 years of my life. But unfortunately he doesn't feel the same. He wants to find something better I presume and I'm not that. I've sometimes felt unworthy of love and inadequate, almost useless. But one day I'm gonna get over it and I'm going to find love and love will find me back. And to those who are broken, it may not seem like it now, but take me for example with such an emotional attachment like mine it cannot be overcome in a day. But I know it's gonna happen for me.

Lol I know this sounds like a motivational talk for everyone but I was just feeling inspired. I just wanted to get one of the nice things I was feeling about love off my chest. But of course I'm angry, hurt and frustrated sometimes, that's a natural emotion just know you should be all driven to smile and be happy with the thought of the hope of love.

And to those who have found love, be happy. Don't let go, hold on tight, because he or she is a keeper. And be inspired by that love, because people like myself who long to find 'the one' envy you and can't wait to be in your position.

But I say to myself everyday when the time is right it will happen.

And it will. ;)

I believe in love, do you?

I want to love. Love you.

Everyday I tell myself that your not longer a big part of me. Sometimes I really believe it, sometimes I actually think that you don't mean a god damn thing to me. Every time that thought appears I feel relieved, I feel less vulnerable, it feels like you can't affect me anymore.

I've repeated this thought so many times that I've almost made it true. At the same time it makes me so freaking scared of moving forward, cause what happens when you stop loving someone? What happens when you someday wake up and realize that this person actually doesn't mean anything to you? How can you manage to go from 1000 to 0. Cause that day will eventually come. The only thing you have left is the beautiful memories that you hopefully will carry with you your whole life. But I'm so afraid of that day coming, because I don't want it to. I don't want it to happen because I want to love. Love you.

Scared I'm Chasing Nothing....

It’s not that I think you’re not important when you don’t have anyone, because I don’t. I truly don’t. I believe you can never really know what you want in someone else until you know yourself – completely and wholly - when you only have yourself to rely on. I know far too many people who are in relationships of comfort – because they don’t want to be alone. And it’s sad, because they rely so much on this social institution for validation. I am proud to say I have dealt with loneliness, and I’m not afraid of it. I am not afraid of my independence and I am not afraid of my own company. I am proud to say I have become a strong, level-headed person because I have had such a long time to consider myself and my surroundings and my feelings and my opinions with a clear head, one that is not muddled by the fog of a relationship and love and my heart. For these reasons I am glad it’s taken me this long to find someone, because I think when it happens, I’ll be able to handle it and make the most of it.

But fuck, sometimes I just get sick of being lonely. I get sick of having to rely on myself and my imagination for any kind of deeper mental or emotional stimulation. It’s getting to a point now where, I’ve had way too much time to think. My heart is forming cobwebs because the people I met, the experiences I’ve had so far, just aren’t cutting it. I think my imagination has had far too much time to become so specific in designing what my heart wants, I’m scared reality is just never going to compare. How can it? I never really gave it a chance. I’m torn between wanting only the best for myself and impatience. How much longer is it really going to take?

I feel like it’s impossible because I’ve made it impossible. I want magic. I want to feel such an intense pull towards someone it’s like our worlds just crashed into each other, changing them and me and everything I thought I knew. I want fireworks, and butterflies and magnetism, something tumultuous and huge and exciting and new. I want something to pull me out of myself and my head and my over-analysis and make me feel again, because I’ve forgotten. And I don’t think I can get it back on my own. But I’m scared I’m waiting out for a super unrealistic ideal that I’ve created for myself. I’m scared I’m chasing nothing. And every day it’s getting harder and harder to have faith in myself and everything I believe in.