It's a Promise, Like a Song

I don't know,

If I'm strong enough to turn away,
If I'm strong enough to fight you off,
If I'm man enough to turn you down,
I'm having trouble with the way,
You took my soul and turned it inside out,
Took my love, but can't have it now,
Cause I'm ready to give in

I think about you all the time,
Lay around and I just wonder why,
You live so far and why you can't be mine,
But I'm ready to give in...

By the way you say I miss you,
I know that you can't understand,
Appreciate what I give to you,
I just hope you can comprehend

Because believe it or not
(We are, we are)
Made for one another
If you only saw the truth,
We are, we are, we are, It's true...

I'm so sure,
By the time you hear this,
I'll have changed
By the time you hear this,
I'll be gone,
By the way I miss you more and more,

It's hard enough for me to say,
That you're the only my heart can trust,
You're the only one that caused this lost,
But I'm not gonna give up...

I know you try and play it cool,
But there are some things
You just can't hide
In other time
Your heart will be your guide,
I said I'm not gonna give up...

Because believe it or not
(We are, we are)
Made for one another
If you only saw the truth,
We are, we are, we are, It's true...

-TSA

Come What May

For the longest time I thought I'd lost the best of me

But I'll be damned if I quit now and that's for sure
All I ever wanted was for you to look at me
And know I'm all yours
Like the penguins need their wings for deep cold water dives
Like the earth needs the moon to keep it on course
When you touch me, I know there is purpose in my life
Just know I'm all yours

I'm a mess, I confess that I'm nothing without you
And there is nothing I can do to prove to you I'm being honest
Now I see, everything; and yes I've known it all along

I've been wondering if you could ever realize
That we're growing up so fast, and it's insane
My dear our hearts have gotten good at pumping cheap new lust
Into our young veins

Suddenly I understand everything I couldn't comprehend.


-TSA

Dog House

Apart from losing a family member, breaking up, or being lied to - being cheated on and knowing you weren't worth anything and feeling like shit because the one person who you believed wouldn't hurt you in that way, did - is probably the worst feeling in the world.

I know I deserve better. Way better.

I do appreciate that he had the balls to tell me to my face. Not a lot of people have the courage to do that. The look in his eyes, the tears that streamed down his face, the way his voice sounded - it was all sincere. It was a true apology. An apology that I can not accept - yet. Not until I am 100% sure that he won't ever do this again. Not until he proves to me how sorry he is.

When he had told me, I was in shock of course. I didn't know what to say. I showed no emotion. I just had a blank stare. I didn't know how to react. I froze in place, just having this foul image in my head. I didn't know who I was looking at anymore. He wasn't who I had fallen in love with. He was this monster. This disgusting monster.

I had told my best friend - she said that I should of left him. Before all this he had gotten really drunk and degraded me, talked down to me, disrespected me. I have every reason to leave him. Every reason in the world - but I can't. I just can't. I don't understand why. If you can't control the amount of alcohol you consume, then don't drink at all.

He had better be damn happy and feel pretty fucking lucky to have someone like me in his life. Someone who has so much love in them that they'll take you back even if you took their heart and broke it in a million pieces.

I guess now, he's gotta work 100% more to earn my trust and respect back. He for sure is in the dog house. He's going to be there for a while.

One day at a time...

Letting Go

LETTING GO TAKES LOVE

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more
Remember: The time to love is short

- author unknown

In love, you deserve to be a priority

I've done a lot of thinking lately. The thinking that only occurs when you're pressed between bedsheets and the clock is staring back at you in bright red 3am's and your mind is playing a constant loop of memories you'd rather forget.

Let's face it: My love life is pretty much a giant shit show. I've had my heart ripped out of my chest one too many times at the young age of 19. It's a mix of youthful idealism and hope and a desperate desire to believe in someone against all odds. It's the lure of breathing in a familiar smell while tucked in the arms of someone you've silently loved for years, even though better judgment says he'll hurt you again.

I know that life is not a romantic comedy, but I guess I've still kind of fallen into the idea that maybe sometimes things are meant to be. I've learned a few things though. I constantly see couples breaking up, talking shit and then getting back together - an ebb and flow that they come to accept as normal. I guess on a grand scale I'm guilty of this, but recent events have taught me a very important lesson: the person who is really great for you, the person who brings out the best in you, your partner in crime? That person is not going to second guess your relationship until it's lost all meaning. That person is not going to rip your heart out of your chest even one time, and he certainly won't do it twice. And that person shouldn't make you an option, because in love you deserve to be a priority.

I might still fall silent when I stumble across old pictures. I might stay up until early morning hours to avoid thinking myself to death while trying to fall asleep. And, yeah, I might still ache to hear a confession of remorse.

But I'm not going to waste my time on someone who isn't great for me. Settling for familiarity is bullshit. As hard as it is, I'm going to move on. One day, I'll find someone capable of keeping my heart safe when I hand over the key and say, "Hey, don't fuck this up."

Always,
Kim

I'll always love you , no matter what

Our first looks at each other, our first conversation, our first kiss. Our first text message and our first real talk. I'll never forget. Never forget the feelings and how perfect everything was. We could be awake and talk about everything until the next morning, we could talk in the cellphone for hours without having any words left to say and we could lay down for a very long time and just stare into each others eyes without saying anything. It was love. Real love.

We became closer and closer and when i thought it couldn't be better he whispered the three most beautiful words in my ear. He whispered "I love you" with a tear in his eye and said that he never thought he could have this feelings for anyone. It was the best moment of my life. I was in love. Terrible in love.
We talked about how our apartment would look like, what name our baby should have and that we are going to have a little kitten. Then we laughed for hours about what we just said.
We talked about everything and we laughed, cried and did things together. That was life. You were life. You were the best boyfriend ever and everything would have been meaningless if you weren't in my life. I would go to the moon, travel round the world and count all the stars. Just for you.

We were so equal you and me, but different at the same time. We had something that other people just could dream of.

I'll never forget how you said I was beautiful when i looked the most terrible than ever. And I'll never forget how special you made me feel. You had girlfriends before but I was the only one you fell in love with and I was the only one you ever cared about.

Every time I got a text message from you my heart stopped and every time I saw you called me I got a smile on my lips. You were mine.

But things changed. I can't count the sleepless nights and how many tears that have fell down on my cheek. I can't count how many times my heart got in thousand pieces and when everything felt meaningless. I have been so loved by you, but you have hurt me so badly at the same time. I never thought we would come to this part in our relationship were we don't show any respect and neither can live with or without each other. But now we stand here and don't know what's right or wrong. The only thing I know is that I'll always love you, no matter what.

-Le Love